Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
