he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
