He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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