'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
True college students do jello shots in the library
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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