who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
