Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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