I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
