i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
