Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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