Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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