I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
