Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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