smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
