check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
