Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
