dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize