Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
