Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
