I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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