i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
