is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sorry my hands just texted you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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