He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
