he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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