so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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