Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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