I got chris browned last night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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