hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
