there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we're chasing vodka with high fives
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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