he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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