So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
