Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
