i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
