i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
