tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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