Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And my parents said I crawled through the house
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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