I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
