First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize