I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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