About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
