we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize