NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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