My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My balls are so social today.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
