I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
