Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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