sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
