I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
