Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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