in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize