I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
