she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
