he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
