sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
