You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
