last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
