Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
