if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A bitchslap is in order.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
