College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
