So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
