it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
