You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
