Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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