Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize