Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
