The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
