Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Too much gin, very little bucket
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
