Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
