Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
