CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
