I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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