How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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