is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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