I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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