nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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