can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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