I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
