First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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