Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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