today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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