Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize