I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
