All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
