I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
