ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
