i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
