mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You need a sexual gate keeper
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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