I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
