My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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