There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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