why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize