Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
